Breaking Points

Adapted from Callard's Liberties essay "Romance Without Love, Love Without Romance" (Spring 2021). The University of Chicago philosopher recounts unilaterally ending a friendship with the only friend "as crazy as I am" the morning after a perfect day in Sonoma — and seventeen years later is still grieving the break. She argues that "all's fair in love and war" comes from 1850 (Frank Fairlegh), that the ethics of war have substantively evolved since while the ethics of love have not, and that the very irreplaceability of intimate connections means a free, clean unilateral exit isn't actually available. Even Kant, who held you can't be morally obligated to feel love, agreed there are rules for how you treat the people you no longer feel love for.